So I’m sat here the evening before my biggest kids first day at high school and I am an emotional wreck.
Why? Well, not only because I am not emotionally ready for my kid to be a high schooler. But because my own experience of secondary school was a bit crap.
High school for me was five years of ‘getting by’, I mean I was going to say hell, but I made it out so that has to count for something right?
There was an incident tonight with a kid from our estate that has turned my whole bubbling under the surface anxiety into near on nervous breakdown.
A couple of the ‘bigger’ kids found out that my boy had had somewhat of a fight with a friend over the holidays, which resulted in some cuts to his eye. The fight was over before it started and the boys were mates again an hour later. You know how it goes, right?.
So, the bigger kids were taking the mickey out of my kid saying he “got his ass kicked” – I mean hardly but whatevs. – and so my husband stepped outside and told them to clear off.
Next thing I know my kid is in telling me how they have said they will “rip” him at school tomorrow about it. JOY, absolute JOY.
My baby’s first day is already tarnished by older kids. Where I was hoping he could just slot into high school as a happy ‘medium child’ – you know doesn’t get picked on, but isn’t the in the popular crowd. It seems that these boys have already decided that it won’t be the case
AND I CAN’T HANDLE IT.
At school, I was made to feel like an outcast. Yes, I had friends but I was the friend who was never the first choice. I was the backup friend, the DUFF.
I spent a lot of time at high school trying to make it through each day. Pondering if someone would meet me at in a certain corridor after Math or if I’d arrive at school to be met with blank faces pretending not to know who I am,(yeah, that happened.) I was also bullied, I still remember the names and I remember how it felt to be laughed at.
At high school, I was never happy. Not once.
I don’t want that for my boy.
These should be the best days of his life. Days filled with laughter, with teamwork, with peers that like him. I want him to enjoy school and get through every day with a smile.
I guess I should be thankful for the fact this worries me more than it does him. Although I can tell he is a bit nervous he is also looking forward to the day.
Fingers crossed he comes back to me at 3:30 with a smile.
I’ll be waiting and trying not to have a breakdown.
Wish me luck!