As the title suggests I am delving into the topic of body image today, more specifically my own.
Over the last few weeks I have gained a little weight, this is partly because I have been a little indulgent (I’m human n’all) and partly because I am building muscle etc. Either way it has my head in a right old pickle.
☆LONG POST ☆ So this is me at the gym. I look awkward because I am. I've gained a little weight and I feel like I can see it but magnified. I don't know if it's all in my head but whenever I see myself in a mirror lately I feel like I seriously dislike myself, I pick myself apart and I feel disgusted. I can't help the feelings that run through my head when I do this because honestly I KNOW I have a body some people would kill for, I know that it makes me sound ridiculous when I call myself fat or I feel down and upset that I have gained a few lbs. I know it, but I still feel this way. I am close to tears a lot every time I have to look in the mirror this week. I can't stand the way I look and I don't understand why my brain is telling me I feel this way. I'm confused, and frankly I don't like it. I wish to be happy again. Meh. Sorry for the rant/whinge, I just needed to get it out. Anyone else go through these "I hate my body" stages?
I’ve struggled with how I look in a mirror for a long time but never has it been quite this bad. I mean I know it seems silly, I’m aware people would literally kill for this body, but all that doesn’t seem to register in my head. My view of my own body image is warped.
It feels like I need re-wiring.
When I look in the mirror I see my lumps and bumps, I pick myself apart and I strongly dislike what I see.. most of the time. At other times I like what I see and wonder why I ever felt those feelings before. It all depends on my mood I guess.
So jump to today and I am in my bathroom about to take a bath (one of life’s little pleasures!) and there it is, my mirror, and there I am, with my tshirt tucked up under my bra (I do this when I’m hot lol) and my belly hanging out. It’s quite the sight.
My first thought was “ugh Clare, seriously EW?!” and then I posed and it all changed. I wasn’t 100% happy – not sure I ever will be – but my mind shifted, I looked okay and I was only stood differently! Why?
Because that’s just it isn’t it, we think something looks better at a different angle when really it’s the same. ITS THE SAME! I am the same. Same girl, same time of day, same clothes, DIFFERENT ANGLE.
I’m not sure I will understand this fully for a while but it’s the start I suppose. I want to love my body and my mind and I am planning on achieving that goal.
Happy mind, happy body.
Let me know how you feel when you look in the mirror!
To read about why I try not to weigh myself daily click here.